I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
40s are totally the cure
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize