we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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