No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
