Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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