Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
