Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
