my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
