They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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