I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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