He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
