Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
