I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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