the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
