we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
