Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
