is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
