We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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