i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
