im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
