i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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