u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
