Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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