You just made me feel so damn special
this beer tastes like vomit already
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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