there's paper in my vomit.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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