I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
