The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
