3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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