I bet he comes in French.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
