So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
