I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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