We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
