and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
