my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
