Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
