Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
