So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
