yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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