What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
