He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
