I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize