You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
