So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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