You can't motorboat a personality
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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