I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
