I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
