THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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