Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
