marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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