Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
