apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
