I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
