Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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