she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
