so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
