It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
