Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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