I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
