I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
