You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
