His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
