She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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