I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
