It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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