Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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